The Little Book Of Twisted Fairytales
by Glass-tear-drops
Summary: Aw, fairy tales. From Sleeping Beauty to The Gingerbread man. You've surely heard them as a child. Now, here MY version of the tales. From the mind of a psyco comes The Little Book of Twisted Fairytales. (R&R)
1. Notes

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Author's Notes

Alright, these stories really aren't for kids. And, if there's a fairy tale you really, really like, I don't suggest reading this. They're rather demented, and twisted. Sometimes it's lucky if it even sounds like the story. The first ones I wrote were on the one stories I disliked the most then a friend of mine read them, and loved them, so I had to write more. I still am writing them too. So, yeah. That's that I suppose.

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Thanks to---

Tiffany and Tequila (Kevina) for making me write these stories. It's you that helped along my twisted way of thinking. (Of course, all the rest of my friends really added to that as well, but yeah. )

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Readers Comments:

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Saint Nick:: Oh thank you ^^' You should see more real soon!!

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Pringles:: -Shrugs- I wrote that in five minutes, what do you expect? Don't worry, there should be some more....well thought out ones up soon ^^' My friends would kill me if I didn't keep writing ;

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Snuffles 55:: Lol! I loved that one too! That one and The Gingerbread Man. ^^;

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earthangel101:: Will do, thanks dear

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Daniel:: Well, one of my stories needs to have a good moral, at least right? That's the perfect one for it. Keep reading!

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Greeneyes616:: Thank you so very much! I will keep writing!

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Shina:: Weird is what I'm good at -Bows- Thank you!

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Claidi:: Glad you're enjoying them! ^_^ 

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Soon to come!! (The stories I'm currently working on, and you should keep an eye out for!)

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The Little Mermaid

Beauty and the Beast

Hansel and Grettle

The Three Little Pigs

---------******If you have ANY requests, please tell me what they are, I'd love to hear about them!*****-------  


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Your mentally messed up friend,

Ada ^^'


	2. Sleeping Beauty

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The Supposed Sleeping Beauty. (HA!)

I doubt you know this, many don't, So I tell you now, don't feel ashamed, but the story of Sleeping Beauty is a lie. Yes! That's right. For all of you that care, take a seat and rest your feet because I have a story to share.

This one takes place in a far away place, just as most fairy tales unfold. Just like other fairy tales, this one has a Prince, but this time our Prince has a slightly more interesting twist.

Something else you might like to know, in the true story there is no cursed Princess in desperate need of true loves kiss. Oh heaven's no. The truth is, that blond beauty was merely a castle servant, who was really not that pretty. How sad indeed. Allow me to proceed. 

In the castle, one late evening, our ditsy castle servant was scrubbing the floor shinny, while humming every so lightly. Suddenly, the door swung open, and smacked this soon-to-be Princess right on the head. Unfortunately the force of this blow left our simple maid, Aurora, unconscious along the floor. When I say unfortunately, I mean it too.

This is where our twisted Prince comes in. He had one too many drops of acids, oh how sad. Five or six beers kept the effects from dropping anytime soon. I don't know who to feel more sorry for, the maid or the Prince's parents. Any who-

The Prince, who had trouble walking (Oh goodness, I wonder why) fell upon our knocked-out maid. This is when the acids kick in. Instead of seeing a brunette maid laying in the castle hallway, our miss lead somehow saw a sleeping blond beauty. Now he got to thinking, and I'll tell ya' after what he was drinking, there's no way this is a good thing, that the girl in front of him was a Princess. This Prince got down on his knees, and leaned in closely. Some how he had come to the conclusion that this 'Princess' was cursed and he knew how to save her.

Leaning in, he planted a kiss firmly upon the maiden's lips. Again I say unfortunately, because someone witnessed the Prince doing this, and rushed off to tell the King. 

At this time, Aurora awoke with a scream. The messed up Prince perceived this as a good thing, and kissed her again passionately. 

When the Prince went back to normal, he realized what he had done (Please don't ask me how he remembered it). But before he could do anything, his father had heard of the 'love affair' between his third born son. Soon heads were rolling acrossed the floor. Now this tale is done.

~***The End*~**

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I'd like to say this is the only story that rhymes, and I didn't do that on purpose. So, please, if you didn't like this one because of the rhymes, read the others. If you didn't like this one for any reason, read the others. Each are unique in their own ways, and you might just like one of them. I would love your comments on all of the stories (good or bad) so don't be afraid to speak your mind.

-**Ada**

Ps. The rest of the stories should be on here within the next two days, right now I don't feel so well, so yeah.


	3. Cinderella

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Cinderella. ( If only...)

We have a long list of fairytales to go threw. Yes, yes we. Today we have the all famous Cinderella (wave and smile hunny.) But, anyway! Let's get one with the real story, shall we?

I know many hearts are crushed by this, but the truth must be told! 

Cinderella was a rich, beautiful girl who lived in a large, beautiful house. She was spoiled rotten, and that's no lie. Besides her looks, the only thing this brainless hollow nut shell had going for her was her ability to lie! She could lie better then a fish could breathe in water.

Living with Cinderella was a shy sweet little girl named Elizabeth. Cinderella was madly jealous of everything about her step sister. Everywhere she went she lied about Elizabeth, making up anything she could to get everyone to hate her. And it worked too!

Now the night before the ball in the Prince's favor, Elizabeth asked her mother for a beautiful dress and a pair of glass slippers, and since she never asked for anything, she got it. Unfortunately Cinderella over heard her step sister asking her mother for this, and watched as Elizabeth put the items in her closet.

When Elizabeth was asleep, Cinderella came in and stole everything. When Elizabeth told her mother that the items were gone, and that Cinderella was wearing them, Cinderella merely lied until their mother believed her side of the story, and was able to go to the ball.

The rest of the story went as told.

When the Prince came to try the glass slipper on the girl's feet, Cinderella shoved her way into going first, and of course the shoe fit. So Cinderella lived happily ever after with the Prince, and Elizabeth was married to some old fat guy that had enough money to live in a shack next to a creek. Elizabeth had to work the rest of her life.

Guess what, there's a moral to this story. THE SHOE FITS MORE THAN ONE GIRL!!!!

~*The End*~

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Is this one any better? Please review ^^;

-Love always

-**Ada**


	4. Snow White

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Snow White-You'll never believe it.

Everyone knows the story of Snow White. How evil and powerful her mother was, and those cute little dwarfs she lived with. Yeah...That was a bunch of ******* so, here's what I got.

Remember, knowledge is power.

Like the story says, this one starts out a long time ago, in a place no one can remember. Right away, the old story is a lie. Snow White and her mother, the Queen. Were both very beautiful. The Queen loved her daughter very much, and spoiled the child rotten.

One day, the Queen found out about someone who was going to try to kill her daughter. She decided to hire a hit man to make sure they didn't. Absently, the Queen hired the stupidest hit man in the Kingdome. The man she hired some how miss heard her, and took Snow White into the forest to kill her. Luckily, Snow White wasn't completely a damsel in distress, and did a little kung-fu on the retarded hit man. She killed him, then ran the wrong direction in an attempt to get home.

She ran, and ran, and ran, until she reached a small cottage. Unfortunately, Snow White didn't know who the cottage belonged to, and she also didn't know that she wasn't in her kingdom anymore (I don't think we're in Kansas anymore). Letting herself into the cottage (because HEY she's the Princess, she can do that) she was attacked by the seven deadly assains, tied, bound, and thrown into a closet.

Luckily ( I think) someone saw Snow White go in, and went and informed the Queen.

The Queen, who thought she couldn't trust anyone anymore, decided to get her daughter back herself. She dressed up as some ugly old hag, made a few poison apples, and went off to get her daughter.

The assains, being a bit smarter than the Queen, knew it was her, and killed her when she came. While the little men went to throw the dead body off the cliff, Snow White finally got herself free. As she was running away from the cottage, she ran into a Prince from another kingdom. He supposedly "saved her," and they married.

So this is a happy ending, right?

~*The End*~


	5. The Princess and the Pea

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The Princess and the Pea...(Don't you all just wish)

I think by now you all know by now that all these stories are twisted, demented, and really just plain weird. For this one, there's a little bit of extra weirdness that I want to note if you can't take it, don't read the rest of it. You'll know what I mean when you read it. If you are offended, I apologize, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to delete the story because your a little concord. Alright on with the story!!

(Once again) Once upon a time there was a stubborn, whinny, homosexual Prince. Now the Kind and Queen didn't know about the homosexual part, so they couldn't figure out why he couldn't marry the maidens they found for him. They had brought to him almost every single girl in the kingdom. 

The Prince didn't want the King and Queen to find out about his homosexuality. That would be asking for assaination. He was in great distress over the situation.

One day the Queen (who had been on the Prince's case from the beginning) told the Prince that if he didn't find a bride before they got back from their over night trip, that they were going to force he to marry the first girl that they found.

The Prince waved as the carriage took the King and Queen away, and shut the door. Sitting in a big chair in the other room, he slept for a bit.

The Prince was awakened when a knight kneeled before him (Suits of armor were really loud mind you). He wondered what was going on.

The knight explained how they found a man in the garden. The Prince asked that the man be brought to him.

When they did (and this goes for both men) it was love at first sight.

The Prince demised the knight. Then him and the man named Ron made a plan so they could spend the rest of their lives together (Changing Ron's name to Rayleen).

When the King and Queen returned, the Prince introduced them to 'Rayleen.' The Queen was not to found of the 'Rayleen' girl, and decided to make her take the 'princess test.' If 'Rayleen' passed this test, then the Prince could marry 'her' without question. Luckily the Prince knew before hand about this test that he knew his mother would make 'Rayleen' take. The Prince and 'Rayleen' were more than ready for it. Rayleen would have to sleep on top of ten mattresses with a pea underneath, and that's exactly what happened.

The next morning 'Rayleen' complained bitterly about the horrible mattresses 'she' had to sleep on, and how 'she' got barely any sleep. This, of course, pleased the Queen and the Prince and 'Rayleen' were allowed to be married.

'Rayleen' and the Prince lived happily ever after (And Ron fit the queen's part perfectly, since he whined constantly about being the girl in the relationship.)

**~*The End*~**

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I like gay couples, I think they're cute (I'm straight). I actually wrote this one to mock a girl I knew. Rayleen, also known as Kayleen. She acts like a guy. So, yeah, that's how I came up with this one.


	6. The Almighty Gingerbread Man

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The Gingerbread Man (Uh oh..)--

(I'll just get on with it since by now you know the drill.)

Once upon a time (a saying I'm starting to get bored of) there was a witch who sat up in a small house, on a mountain, over looking a small town. The witch hated the town. One say she decided to unleash something on the town.

After a long period of debate, she decided to send something stupid, and demented on the town. Since it was something that no one would expect, and something she would go into the books for.

Taking out her binoculars, the witch peered down upon the town. People were running through the market.

Too boring.

Children were in the school yard, laughing and playing. Just having a good 'ol time.

Too easy.

Moving her binoculars to the east a bit, the witch found herself looking down upon a little old lady making a gingerbread man.

"That will work." She thought to herself. Quickly she sent down a short curse to the pastry.

The witch laughed as the cookie jumped to his feet and started beating the old lady to death with another sweet treat.

When the old women was laying bloody on the floor, dead by the hands of her own creation, the gingerbread man went out to kill anyone he could.

The gingerbread man found a gun, and went around killing off the rest of the people in the town. Once everyone was dead, he went up to the old witch.

The witch smiled, praised him for what a good job he did, then picked him up and bit off his head.

See what someone gets for doing what they were supposed to?

~*The End*~

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A bit bloody, a bit gruesome. But, it was worth it. What do you think? Please tell me ^^;

A slap is just a hug that hurts-

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Ada


	7. Rapunzel

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Next in line-- Rapunzel.

This story I thought was just pathetic. So here's what I think it really is.

Once upon somewhere in the medieval times, there was a single mother and her new born daughter. There mother new early of her daughter's soon to be beauty. She was pretty pissed, being the dictionary definition of ugly. She paid a witch to make a castle with no stairs, and no doors. The she cursed the daughter with the stupidest name she could think of---Rapunzel.

Now Rapunzel grew to be beautiful. She couldn't leave the tower, though. Now way she would try to jump out either. How stupid would that be?

So Rapunzel lived in her tower. Every Sunday her mother brought her a weeks worth of food. One day, Rapunzel's mother died. Go figure, of old age. But, Rapunzel's mother never EVER spoke of Rapunzel, so Rapunzel had no one to bring her food. So, not long after Rapunzel's mother's death, Rapunzel also died. Go figure, she starved to death.

If you don't believe me.... Then I don't know what to tell you.

~*The End*~

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I never did like that story 

I don't know what else to say. HEY! IT'S NOT THAT SURPRISING!

-**Ada**


	8. Stupid Little MerMaid

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The Little Mermaid. (Mwuahahaha....)

This is a messed up tale...Come on! Who in the world would believe it? Well, don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll fix this mean old story up real good. (Now I sound like a red neck hick((No offence to the red neck hicks, that is))

Now, this story starts out on an island/kingdom/thing. Everyone on this island was rather stable, clean, and hard working. Everyone except Ariel, that is.

Ariel was a bubbly red head. To make matters worse, she was the youngest of three, and as dumb as a rock.

Now, usually the youngest is just there to look pretty, and to be married off to some prince for money, and land. It was kind of hard to marry Ariel off, she was so dumb and bubbly that no one wanted her, each prince convinced that she would be the downfall of their kingdom (Smart people).

On this island/kingdom/thing there was, of course, the "evil" witch. This witch, though, was just a bit off her rocker, and way to dedicated to the island/kingdom/thing. (You'll see what I mean.) Although, it's not that bad of a thing, I suppose.

One day, our bubbly idiot (Ariel, for those who don't catch on quickly) was bouncing around the island/kingdom/thing and ran into the witch. For some god unknown reason, the retarded red head felt impulsed to start chucking rocks at the "evil" witch, and start chanting "witch, witch" in a rather mocking tone. Because the Princess was doing this, the rest of the town had to act like ignorant sheep and do the same thing. (Stupid people.)

The witch, of course, found herself rather annoyed by the people's actions. Not so much the chanting, since she actually was a witch, but more so the throwing of the rocks. She just happened to find it to be rather painful over all. She yelled at them to stop until she finally found herself on her last nerve.

At that moment, she condemned the island/kingdom/thing and all the people to the ocean. She turned them all into mermaids, forcing them all to live under the water, and fear anything above the water. Ariel, being her bubbly, absolutely retarded self, some missed out on the whole "fear" portion of this condem-ment and love to visit the surface. The rest of the world, easily forgot about the little kingdom with the retarded princess, and moved on not-so-peacefully-but-we'll-say-so-to-make-things-look-better.

The kingdom lead a "happy" life until (dun dun duuun) an oil tanker exploded, leaked oil on the kingdom, and killed almost everyone ( including the royal court (YAY!)). Once everyone that could possible inherit the royal throne were dead, the evil witch (who was now the evil sea witch because she had also cursed herself) took power of the throne, and everyone who was living was finally able to go about their normal lives once more. (To the fullest extent that is, since they all still lived under the water.)

**The End.**

Well, Comments, questions, concerns. Blah. ^_^' Hope you like this one. Much Love!

-Ada


	9. The Woman in the Shoe

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The Woman in the Shoe (Something New!!!)

This is the part of the book where I take a fabulous nursery rhyme (cough cough) and butcher the hell out of it for my amusement, and your own. (Don't be surprised if you start seeing this more often in the process of writing this most wonderful book.)

But First! (dun dun duuuun) We must show you the original song! (Cover the children's eyes!)

There once was a woman who lived in a shoe

She had soo many children, she didn't know what to do.

She gave them some broth, without any bread

Then spanked them all soundly, and sent them to bed.

(Geeze, talk about abusive. Well, now it's my turn!)

There once was a prostitute, who lived in a dumpster.

(Just behind Starbucks too)

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

She tried condoms

-And the patch too

But they all ended in failure, and another baby too.

Then she tried the pill

And WOW! She loved the results

So now she has fifteen kids, and no more to count.

Now, doesn't that sound more like it? How much more realistic is that compared to the other one? I mean come on, no one is actually small enough to fit in a shoe, and how often do you see a shoe big enough to fit people in? Common sense people! -Blah blah blah, and more babble-

The End!!!


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